A methodology for dating

Turn your dates into data.

For people stuck in the same dating pattern. Whether the dates blur together or your type is so narrow nothing makes it through the filter, the loop is the loop. A structured nine-date experiment, and a verdict written from your own data.

Begin the audit How it works

Built on

Gottman markers+Attachment theory+Motivational interviewing+Optimal stopping

01 / Where Stedi sits

Not an app. Not a matchmaker. Not therapy.

A methodology, run alongside whatever you're already using.

Five steps.

About an hour upfront, then five minutes per date.

Non-negotiables

What we'll never push you to reconsider.

~5 min

The Type Audit

Surfaces the pattern underneath who you keep getting drawn to.

~20 min

The Experiment

Nine personalized slots to interrupt the pattern.

1 to 12 months

The Verdict

A short essay about your dating life, from your own data.

On demand

Verification

Track new dates against your benchmark.

Open ended

03 / The verdict

After nine dates, you get a benchmark.

Stedi reads every date together and writes you a short essay. What your pattern looks like, who from the nine actually cleared your bar, and the standard to measure anyone you date next against.

Sample · Date 09 · ~600 words

The high-spark people were the ones who already felt familiar.

You ran nine dates over twelve weeks. Three calibration, six selection. Average type-match was 68 percent, lower than the queue you walked in with. Two were no-counts. So we have seven dates of usable data.

The pattern

Your top three Spark dates averaged 84 percent type-match. Your top three Compatibility dates averaged 41 percent. That’s a 43-point gap, and it’s the pattern your audit warned about.

The verdict, named

Under strict optimal stopping, the math says Wren. Compatibility 7.4 in calibration, 7.6 from Iris on date 6, 7.8 from Marlowe on date 8. Marlowe was the first selection date to beat the calibration benchmark.

04 / Fit

Is this for you?

A short read of who Stedi works for and who it doesn't.

Yes, probably.

You can name (or strongly suspect) a type you keep getting drawn to.
The people you match with and the people you actually go out with tend to feel familiar. That sameness is the problem, whether you have lots of it or barely any.
“Just date outside your type” didn't stick on its own.
You want a structured 30 to 60 days, not another infinite-swipe app.
You're willing to spend ~40 minutes upfront on uncomfortable questions about yourself.

Probably not.

You haven't started dating at all yet. Stedi needs at least a few real dates as input.
You want a matchmaker. Stedi is a mirror, not a feed.
You want pickup-line help or someone to write your profile.
You're looking for therapy. The audit isn't treatment.

05 / Built on

One framework, four research lineages.

Decades of research into what makes relationships last, applied to the part most people get stuck on: getting through the door.

i · Gottman

Predictive markers

The four signals scored after every date come from decades of relationship-stability research.

ii · Attachment

Spark vs. familiar

The split draws on Bowlby, Mikulincer & Shaver, and Levine & Heller's Attached.

iii · MI

Audit method

Consent-led conversation borrowed from motivational interviewing. Hundreds of trials behind it.

iv · Stopping

The 9-date math

The secretary problem from optimal-stopping theory. When to stop looking.

The full lineage, with source notes, lives on the science page.

Closed beta

Ready to go Stedi?

What we don’t promise: a relationship. What we promise is that you’ll understand your own pattern more clearly at the end than you do now, and you’ll have a benchmark to measure anyone you date next against.

Closed beta · Free for early testers

Get a one-time link.

Begin

No password · No social login