Your pattern, named
The shape you keep returning to, in your own words.
An accountability partner for dating with intention
You keep falling for the same type. Whether you’ve already named it or not, you’re ready for it to shift. stedi is the structure that helps you date differently, and stays with you past the match.
Free · 60 seconds · No email
The loop
The ones who electrify you leave you confused. The ones who feel easy, you ghost. That is not bad luck. It is a pattern you cannot see from inside.
The real shift
Did you feel safe? At ease? Like yourself?
Free · 60 seconds · No email
What you walk away with
The shape you keep returning to, in your own words.
Built from your first few dates. Yours to use on whoever you meet next.
What feeling like yourself actually looks like.
Yours to keep. Not a subscription to keep swiping.
Is it for you
For you if
Not for you if
How it works
An hour up front. Then a few minutes after each date.
What’s off the table.
2 minA short, honest conversation.
5 minAfter each date, notice how you felt: safe, at ease, like yourself.
A few monthsA short, honest read on yourself.
On demandHold new dates against your bar.
Open ended← swipe →
Your read
How each date felt to her. Not scores of them.
Date 05 · Jordan
Quieter pull. Felt herself.
7
How drawn
7
How at ease
The big pull felt familiar. Feeling herself didn’t.
The next 90 days, only on stedi
Every other tool stops at the match. stedi keeps going.
Three lines after a real moment. What happened. What you felt. What you did with the feeling. No scoring yet. Just noticing.
A weekly check opens. Where did you feel the pull to retreat. What did you not say. What felt uncomfortably good. Patterns surface.
A short essay back, written from your reflections. Where you stayed. Where you retreated. Where you grew. Then it’s yours.
Why we built it
I spent years dating the same kind of person. Different names, same ending. For a while I could see the pattern in my friends instantly, and never in myself. For years after that, I named it out loud and dated it anyway. Both halves of that story are the reason stedi is built the way it is.
stedi is the thing I wish I’d had: an accountability partner for dating with intention. Coach-level structure, made private, gentle, and yours to keep.
The framework is Amy Chan’s, from Unsingle. The implementation is mine. The standard is the one she set: name the pattern, run a small experiment, hold an honest mirror. Never tell anyone what to do.
It’s free while we’re small. If it grows, the price will be one-time, not a subscription. The point of this product is to hand the work back to you, not to keep you on a feed.
Mary Voelker, Founder
Research lineage: Gottman on what predicts relationships lasting, attachment theory on why familiar feels familiar, Amy Chan’s Unsingle on dating with intention.
We have no efficacy data of our own yet, and we say so plainly on the science page.
Private by default. Invisible to the people you date. Delete your data in one click.
Closed beta
Going stedi. Yes, like going steady.
A couple of months from now, you’ll understand your own pattern and recognize the right person when they show up. That is the thing no app can hand you.
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